A story featuring real dumb teens in a real world facing real problems. Or, a 10K one-shot about a hopeless girl in love with a certain maiden from a land with history, learning that ‘even in the best of times, life can still be cruel’. F / F, OC x Canon.
CWs: None.
I think this is the first fanfic posted to these forums!?? I'm honoured, LOL... because of the character limit I've had to cut out notes and explanations, as well as the Japanese and French sparingly used, so please consider visiting the AO3 or Bulbaforums versions of this piece!
Originally written for the Bulbagarden Forums' Melting Hearts 2025 Shipping One-Shot Competition! Winner, Best LGBTQ+ Romance, Best Usage of Theme.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s February, and I’m a high-school third-year. I graduate in four weeks.
After that, I’ll never see my classmates again.
I’ve always been a loner… only child, barely any friends, don’t own any Pokémon, ‘indoor kid’ — you name it, it’s me. I don’t mind it anymore, really.
For a while, I had dreams… well, delusions, I guess, of going off to study art or pastry-making in Lumiose City. I really was serious about it, too. I got a bunch of Kalosian vocabulary books from the library, and even decided on the specific high school I enrolled in — an all girls’ private school for the arts thirty minutes away by train — strictly on the basis that it had Kalosian courses, but…
Kalosian wasn’t my ‘thing’. I struggled through it my first year, barely passed, and was fully intent on transferring to a school within walking distance of my house. After all, I had no reason to continue there if I wasn’t good at the very thing I came for.
But.
There was a girl. Kyouko Sakuragi.
On a whim, we started studying for our Kalosian final together in the last semester of our first year. Everyone else in the class had long formed groups with their friends to study in, and I guess neither of us wanted to be left behind.
Kyouko was a more-or-less well-liked girl, and pretty, with unusual fairylike features, too — the kind of person I would have had no chance of getting to know otherwise. But none of her friends studied Kalosian, so she was alone.
Just like me.
I’ve always relied on others to make the first move, so to speak, when making friends. That time was no different… even though Kyouko never had to worry about coming close to failing the final. Her tutoring saved my grade, but thanks to my incompetence, only barely.
Though I passed, I still planned on finishing out high school for the next two years closer to home, and had mentioned my plans incessantly to Kyouko during the many, many times I was feeling stressed about my prospects.
But.
Right after our tests were handed back, in disbelief that I had actually passed, I asked her what I could ever do to repay her for saving my grade. The moment I heard her response was undoubtedly the moment I realised I had fallen for her.
‘I’d love for you to stay here and continue studying Kalosian with me, Maeda-san.’
So I decided, right then and there, that I would.
As long as I had her, I would somehow manage, after all.
I truly believed it then, and I still believe it to this day.
—
Here in Johto, we have a tradition where you give chocolate to the one you love on Valentine’s Day, especially if you’re wanting to confess to them. Honmei choco, or true love’s chocolate, is traditionally homemade.
It’s a simple process, really. Just boil butter and cream together, add in baking chocolate, mix, refrigerate, cut, and top with cocoa powder and sugar. Anyone can do it, especially a girl like me who knows a little about baking, but…
I’ve burnt the chocolate twice.
My life tends to be full of disappointments, and I hardly ever let myself get my hopes up because of that — it’s simply an easier way of living life. But something as simple as this shouldn’t give me any trouble.
For all of my faults and failures, I know I’m able to follow instructions from a recipe book.
Yet, there’s been something holding me back throughout all of this.
In terms of my current task, the thing holding me back is that I’ve been reading the recipe wrong this entire time: I was supposed to mix the cream and chocolate in a separate bowl, not on the stove. I’ve been hyperfocused on the end result without taking extra care with what I was supposed to do to get there.
But in terms of my overarching goal, I’ve been holding myself back through fear: I’ve made excuses to myself about my feelings for Kyouko, telling myself there’s no need to go to such an extreme to actually tell her, for the past nearly two years.
Knowing that I have only a month left to do something about my feelings has only accentuated the dread I’ve felt for ages about losing her. The dread that’s prevented me from doing anything in the first place.
I know I’m doing this much too late, though. Not just putting off testing the recipe, but also…
Confessing, too.
And I’m regretting it. Doubly so, if my hastiness ruins things even more.
I can’t help but cry — crying into the bitter, burnt chocolate mixture that seems to be a mirror of how my heart is feeling. I have no more chocolate left, and more importantly, no more will to continue on with this stupid plan of mine in the first place.
Though I can tell I’m only feeling this way in the heat of the moment, I still can’t stop myself from feeling I would be much happier if I simply were to melt alongside my wasted efforts.
Story of my life.
I’ll buy some chocolate and start again tomorrow, though it’s the day before Valentine’s. As much as I really want to give up now, as much as I (falsely) feel I need to give up… I would never forgive myself if I did that.
I can’t help but say something, now, after all. I could so easily fade into Kyouko’s memories if my attempt to study in Lumiose with her doesn’t work out — we’d be separated by a vast ocean that way.
‘We,’ I say out loud to myself, dissatisfied with how it sounds for whatever reason.
What right do I have to even talk like that, to suggest there’s a ‘we’ between her and I? It feels more than apt that a shy, painfully uninteresting girl like me would be a short-lived, *poorly written *background character in the life story of Kyouko, a well-off girl with bright aspirations of university and a career in fashion in far-off Lumiose.
It’s deserved, if anything. I deserve whatever heartbreak will inevitably come my way, for getting in her way. For daring to fall for someone whose life’s prospects are exponentially greater than mine.
It’s my fault, all of it, and I know I need to get it over with, so I can pay for it.
Even if it’s for closure, so I can get over my delusion that I could have ever had her, I need it.
I just need something to change.
—
Kyouko will forget me by the time she’s off in Lumiose.
As she should.
～✧～
february 13 2003
‘Akimi-chan.’
The two of us are eating lunch together in her clubroom, making small talk about Kalos and literature, mostly — the usual routine we’ve had for two years now.
Our usual routine that I’ll disrupt forever, come tomorrow.
‘Why didn’t you ever join the kyudo club with me? I think you would have made a lovely vice president…’ Kyouko asks me for what makes probably the fifth time since the New Year’s holidays.
Because I would have ended up confessing to you much sooner if I had reason to spend time with you outside of school, is almost how I answer — but I decide to swallow those words for tomorrow.
I’ll go with my usual answer.
‘I’m not even strong enough to even pull the bow back, remember? You’ve had me try it out a few times before… and I’m a lefty, too, so…’
‘Hmph. You would have looked stunning in a hakama, too… tant pis, tant pis…’
Stunning!?
…She does love fashion, after all, so there’s nothing behind such a comment.
Obviously.
Thanking Arceus nobody else is in this suddenly-too-small-for-the-two-of-us room to take notice of my rapidly reddening face, I continue on with my excuse, hoping to put the matter to bed for good.
‘Besides… it’s not like there will be any kyudo in Lumiose. Not where we applied, anyway, so… there would have been no point to do it for only a few years.’
Kyouko takes my hand — a much-too-common quirk of hers that still makes my heart skip — and looks into my eyes with a soft, hopeful expression that all but melts my heart.
‘We could make a club at our university together, Akimi-chan.’
I can’t do this.
I can’t say no to her.
And I can’t even hide my head into my hands, either…
C’est le pire"]This is the worst.
‘Well… let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.’ I offer a non-committal response, hoping to end this sudden moment between us before I faint or worse (despite knowing I would be happy like this forever).
‘It’s only a month until we graduate, then we’ll be in Lumiose… it’ll be wonderful,’ she grins at me, inadvertently causing my stomach to drop a little.
But what if we don’t make it that far?
Our application result letters don’t arrive for a few more weeks — I’ve fantasized about the moment I get to read mine more than I could admit, but I’m paranoid of jinxing it.
Kyouko seems to know she’s getting in, though, and I know it too… but she’s just as sure that I’ll join her. Would she be able to handle it if I couldn’t join her? Arceus forbid, if we both had to stay in Johto?
…Really, it’s funny that I’m worrying about this when our relationship won’t be the same by tomorrow. There’s no point in worrying myself over what could happen to her next month, not when I have my own issue to deal with.
The issue I’m in love with.
The issue who, for whatever reason, is still holding my hand.
‘…-an? Akimi-chan? Are you feeling fine?’
I’ve drifted off in my Kyouko-induced melancholy, yet again. More proof something needs to change.
So why don’t I try being honest, for once?
‘Not really.’
The girl sitting across from me looks alarmed, bringing her free hand to my forehead, ostensibly to see if I’m feverish — causing my face to redden even more.
‘Hey- Kyouko-san, I, I, I think I’m probably fine, I promise, you really don’t need to do that…’
She tilts her head, frowning at my protesting.
‘Why? Can’t I care for a dear friend like you?’
And my heart’s pierced yet again. How am I supposed to answer here?
Is simply not answering telling enough?
‘Your face is looking red, Akimi-chan…’
I’m well aware.
‘But you don’t seem too warm, thankfully. I hope you’re not sick.’
Lovesick, perhaps.
—
nuit
I need to sleep.
I’m very aware I need to sleep.
But I can’t stop thinking —
If I fail, my most optimal (non-awkward) chance to confess(!) passes without anything changing.
I admit… after whatever that was at lunchtime today, doing nothing seems more and more appealing. It’s a coward’s way out, but part of me thinks preserving what I have with Kyouko now, for the final month we have together, would be for the best.
But I know I’d regret it. I could lie to myself and say I’d confess romantically, tell her in Kalos, at the Prism Tower, in Lumiose… but I have no expectation of making it there, anyway.
I would hate myself more than I already do. I’ve never been a brave person, but the writing is on the wall. Valentines’ confessions are an overplayed trope in all of the manga and drama I’ve read and watched, yes, but…
Torchickening out is no way to spend my one and only *seishun jidai *— the springtime of my youth. (Or as Augustine, our Kalosian professeur, would say, ‘le printemps de la vie’.)
～✧～
14 février 2003
My last-minute honmei choco turned out great, both in flavour and look — I knew I had it in me to put my heart into my baking.
Playing out scenarios in my head while trying to sleep made for a stress-filled night.
*What would happen if I couldn’t force the words out? What would happen if I fainted out of stress? What would happen if the chocolate I painstakingly made somehow disappeared from my locker?
What would happen if Kyouko confessed to me first?*
That last worry is something I know I need not worry about… but it’s a good distraction from what I’ve gathered my nerves for. Five minutes left until our lunch period, then… whatever comes after that.
Even listening to the Pokémon in the Arts class — one of my favourite subjects — being taught now, is impossible. All I can do is continually rotate the same three outcomes in my head.
Outcome One: I get turned down. It’s what I’m hoping and preparing myself for. With no reason to attend classes anymore, I’ll make myself scarce until the graduation ceremony. Kyouko will be off to Lumiose, and I’ll stay here in Ecruteak. I know it’ll be for the best for the both of us.
Outcome Two: I get turned down, but Kyouko makes a big fuss about wanting to stay friends with me. If she makes a point of staying friends, I won’t have the heart to say no to her. I’ll somehow survive until we graduate. We’ll keep in touch through letters, but will drift apart as time goes on. The worst possible scenario — I’d feel so close to her, but still so, so far away, in more ways than one. I have to try just in case, but I fear this the most.
Outcome Three: by the grace of Arceus, Kyouko feels the same. …Though I know we both swing the same way (it’s been so difficult to not get my hopes up because of this, Arceus), this won’t happen, so it’s useless to consider. It might seem defeatist to write an entire possibility off as impossible, but I just can’t see it happening. My life has never worked that way.
I’m simply not lucky enough, or deserving enough, for that.
All I can do is look at the wall clock slowly, mercilessly rotate its hands towards my doomed fate. An adage about time waiting for nobody comes to mind — I think it’s cruel that it won’t wait for me right now.
But maybe it was even more cruel of my past self to save all this trouble for me now.
With a simple cry of ‘Class dismissed,’ a simple, routine sentence that holds absolutely no special meaning to the teacher himself — my future springs into full motion.
The weight of what I’m meant to do is going to kill me if I put it off any longer.
—
The journey from our classroom to my locker to the kyudo clubroom takes a little less than five minutes on a normal day. Today is not a normal day, so I’m over fifteen minutes. …More of that time than I’d admit spent pacing back and forth in front of the door, now that I’m fully conscious of just how big of a leap confessing out of the blue is.
Am I really going to let myself hurt Kyouko like this, in a way? Deprive her of someone she calls a ‘dear friend’, a dear friend who maybe just maybe might be attending the same school in a far-off foreign country with her in just two months’ time? Put distance that doesn’t need to be there between us, at such an inopportune time?
No matter how much I really consider that genuine worry, really turn it over in my brain… I know I have to do this for myself, no matter what comes of it.
But converting that knowledge, knowing what I’m meant to do, into action — is an entirely different thing altogether. I can paint sweeping landscapes of anywhere in Johto at ease, I can bake Wepear Berry tarts from scratch in my sleep, and I can even say a number of basic phrases in Kalosian without giving too much thought.
A herculean task such as this, however, I’m completely out of my element in. I feel incredibly uneasy. All I need to do is open the door, walk to the one I love — sure to be only two metres away — and say a few simple words.
‘I made this honmei choco for you.’
Words that I’ve rehearsed in my head Arceus knows how many times. Words that I could have said last year. A sentiment that I could have — no, should have, expressed at least months ago.
Had I confessed this time last year, after all, I would have moved on by now. Kyouko would have pleaded with me to stay my final year, I wouldn’t have been able to resist, and we would have been friends from then on.
I would have been normal.
But instead, I’m earning all sorts of looks from other students, and even a few teachers — I don’t know what sort of expression I’m wearing on my face right now, and I don’t care much to find out.
We’re at an all-girls school, but I wouldn’t be surprised if people sort of understood what was going on, given what day it is… and how I every-so-often get teased by others about how obvious I am about her.
C’est le pire.
Twenty minutes.
I told Kyouko to go ahead without me (unlike usual), so as to not ruin my surprise. If I wait long enough, she’ll go looking for me. She’d find me just outside the door, probably looking even more pathetic than I do on a day-to-day basis.
So I wait.
—
I wait five *more *agonising minutes — praying every second of them that I won’t have to take the lead here, that I won’t have to stress myself out even more —
But I eventually come to realise that our 45 minute lunch period is now more than half over. I’ll need some time to actually get the words I want to say out, so…
C'est maintenant ou jamais.
With trembling hands, I reach out for the door handle, buoyed only by my (downwards) momentum and an unsolicited (but very appreciated) distant cheer of ‘You’ve got this!’ from a *kouhai *I’m not familiar with.
And with all of the mental strength I can muster, I grasp the door’s cold metal handle and pull outwards —
Conveniently forgetting, due to my stupid nerves, that the door, just like any door here, opens inwards.
This feels like a sign from the universe to simply give up, really. But Kyouko is bound to have heard my ruckus, so all I really need to do is wait.
The hard part is over.
Sure enough, the door opens (the correct way), and the girl I’m in love with comes into view, her face breaking out into a serene smile once she recognises I’ve arrived at long last.
‘My, Akimi-chan… you’re finally here! Come on in.’
I can barely move, either due to her splendour or due to my nerves. Probably some of both. Nevertheless, I shuffle in, closing the door behind me, turning to sit facing the object of my affections.
Perhaps for the last time ever.
‘So…,’ I start off, positive that I’m certainly not going about this correctly whatsoever.
‘I… I’m sorry for being so late. Thank you for waiting for me…’
She lightly hums in response to my subdued delivery, encouraging me to keep talking — encouragement that feels ironic, knowing what I’m about to say.
‘I have something I need to tell you, Kyouko-san. It’s important, but is here fine? I don’t want to give you any unpleasant memories in a place you love, if…’
If.
There’s so much meaning carried in that single word, so many possibilities for the future. Outcomes I have no way of knowing.
‘If… it’s too shocking for me?’ She frowns a little, making me feel more anxious than I already do. ‘Please don’t me you didn’t forget to submit your application to our school in Lumiose…’
Presumptuous as always… our school? At least that’s what’s on her mind, not a confession. Good.
‘No, I triple-checked to make sure I got everything submitted by the deadline. You would have killed me if I forgot, after all… it’s something else, though. Something that’s just as important as Lumiose. Maybe even more.’
I can see the wheels working in that brain of hers — what could possibly be more important than school in Lumiose!?, she’s probably thinking — until I see her eyes momentarily flicker over to the furoshiki-wrapped box sitting in my lap.
‘Ahaha…’ I involuntarily let out a nervous laugh, only to be met with a nervous, awkward stare in return.
Correction: I mentioned the hard part being over not too long ago.
It wasn’t.
It wasn’t at all.
This moment is the hard part — what I’ve been faced with right here, right now.
Right now.
—
'So… this…’
This is going to be awkward, even for me. I’m praying to all of the deities in the Mythical pantheon that Kyouko will be understanding and patient, like she always is with me.
‘This,’ I start off, gathering the small box in my hands, ‘is for you, Kyouko-san.’
I gently place it on the desk, slowly pushing it from me to her.
Pushing the weighty burden I’ve carried for two years, my feelings, squarely onto her.
‘It’s a honmei choco.’
Silence. There’s something oddly intoxicating about this moment, about knowing that whatever the outcome is for me, for us, nothing will ever stay the same.
‘You’re the only person I’m giving anything to for Valentine’s this year.’
As the box comes to a rest near Kyouko’s edge of the table, I sneak a peak up at her face to see how badly I’m doing.
I shouldn’t be surprised that she has a hand clasped to her mouth, given how much of a flair for romance she has, but… I’m surprised to see that her eyes are almost sparkling. An all-too-familiar gleam in her eyes, a side of her I’ve only ever seen when she’s talked about fashion, about Kalos, about Lumiose, about…
When she talks about me.
What?
What’s going on?
My mind is racing now — I have to stay calm, but this isn’t the reaction I expected. Kyouko looks much more emotional than I had envisioned, which could mean…
‘Akimi…’
Yobisute?
No way. This cannot be Outcome Three. I need to make something happen to convince myself otherwise, to snap myself out of thinking I’m seeing something that cannot be.
I don’t know what I would do if…
‘Um… why don’t you unwrap it? I don’t mind if you keep the furoshiki, but I want to see if it’s to your taste. If that’s alright, of course.’
Wordlessly, the elegant girl facing me starts to unwrap the messy bow I packaged my hopes and dreams up with. I’m captivated — all I can do is stare up at her, study every little change in her expression, take in what may very well by our final moment together. I can’t let myself be convinced this is going as well as I’m starting to worry it is, after all — I’m finding every reason I can to doubt.
But Kyouko's expression just differs from what I had envisioned, from what I had expected, from what I knew it would be like.
What I thought I knew it would be like.
It’s so strange to think I’m afraid of this confession going much better than anticipated. Something like this is every girl’s dream, right?
…I can’t help but wonder if this is somehow a worse outcome than being sympathetically rejected. Or even being yelled at for my feelings, for that matter.
But I can’t let my worries get to me now. I’m so close here, so close to my ‘happy end’ — something as sweet as the honmei choco I put hours into.
‘You really put your heart into this, Akimi. C'est très délicieux.'
An unnaturally wide smile forms on my face. One that, over the years, has increasingly been reserved for her and only her.
'Really?' — the only thing I can breathe out in response.
She nods in response, sending a soft smile my way that works its way through my heart’s defences with ease.
‘I wasn’t planning on confessing to you, Akimi, so I don’t have any chocolate to give you. Would you accept a kiss as an apology for my rudeness…?’
What?
A... *kiss? *
I’m shaking in shock now — the shock of a completely unexpected victory. My Valentine's Day success rate is now one for one, I guess.
What that means for my future, I have no idea.
'Akimi...? Would that be fine?'
I nod, all I can do with how much it feels like I’m simply stuck in a cruel, cruel dream.
Something like this happening is unreal to me — an unfathomable outcome.
—
'Moi aussi je t’aime, Akimi.'
～✧～
21 février 2003
‘Have you gotten your acceptance letter from Illumis U yet?’
My idle flipping through a baking magazine (instead of listening to our professor wrap up our current lecture about a recently created Pokémon by the name of Porygon2) is quietly interrupted by none other than a pensive-looking Kyouko sitting to my left.
She’s been asking me about admission results to the university we applied to in Lumiose every day this week, getting the same reply back each time. Our Kalosian professeur, Augustine, who guided us through applying, recently mentioned that they typically come around this time of year, just before graduation.
‘I haven’t gotten my admission result yet,’ — I start off, making sure to not presume my acceptance so as to not jinx myself — ‘have you?’
She simply solemnly shakes her head at me, her eyes tinged with worry.
I’m a little worried, too, in all honesty… in the past I simply wrote off my joining her in Lumiose as sheer fantasy, something I wasn’t to get my hopes up on, but now…
I’ve realised that I have much, much more to lose.
‘Akimi… I’m worried one of us will get rejected and we’ll be separated. I was so sure we would both get in, but now that we’re together, I can’t help but think of…’
We both know she doesn’t need to say any more to describe our collective fear — words better left unsaid, if only out of fear of accidentally willing them into reality.
But… I’m at a loss, too. I’m suffering from the same worries as well, and haven’t been able to find any solace in my own thoughts. Not that I’m ever good at that, but…
‘Why don’t we take a visit to professeur Augustine after classes end, then? I don’t know if he’ll be able to help, but I’m sure he’s worried about university admissions before.’
‘Let’s.’
—
Augustine Sycamore. Our Kalosian teacher — a man in his late twenties with boyish yet masculine looks, and thusly widespread appeal with the vast majority of our school’s students (and teachers). I heard a rumour once that enrollment in the Kalosian classes went up over thirty percent once he started teaching here, and though I don’t swing that way, it’s not hard to see why.
We’ve just walked up to the front of his desk in the teachers’ office, very conscious of our bothering him on his precious time off, but also hopeful that he’ll be understanding. Given how often we bother him at his desk like this, it’s safe to say it’ll likely be fine.
‘Bonjour…’ I start off, completely (and embarrassingly) blanking on what I planned to say after. Professeur Augustine is, of course, fluent in Kantonian, but he pushes his students to speak to him in Kalosian whenever possible as a challenge.
Oftentimes to mixed results, which I always seem to be the posterchild of.
‘Nous ne vous dérange pas, j'espère?’ Kyouko smoothly fills in for me by asking if now is a good time.
'Pas du tout.' He grins at us, his self-proclaimed lycéennes préférés, with a relaxed demeanour. Always willing to help out and teach us (Kyouko, rather) more, too — it’s no wonder everyone is so enamoured with him.
‘We’re worried about our chances to get into the university we applied to in Kalos. All we can do now is wait, of course, but… what do you honestly think of our chances?’
Our professor’s brows furrow, and he puts down his salad to shuffle through a file cabinet that’s crammed full with neatly organised papers, finding what he was looking for in record time.
I can’t tell if it’s a good or bad sign that he didn’t immediately tell us that we had nothing to worry about.
‘Université d'Illumis, yes? The acceptance rate is fairly low for domestic students, yes, so I understand why you are worried… but as a graduate of that very same school, I will say that there were very many international students there! Which is why I recommended you both apply, of course — they like having a global student body, or so I am told.’
I don’t think he ever mentioned he was a graduate — it almost certainly makes no difference to those looking at our applications, unless if they were to know him, but I can’t help but put hope in it, somehow.
‘Maeda-san and Sakuragi-san, you’re both such good friends,’ — Kyouko and I can’t help but sneak knowing glances at the other upon hearing this — ‘that I thought- wait, what was that glance just now? Are you making fun of me or something?’
We simply stare up at him, partly embarrassed that we were so conspicuous… and also a bit surprised that his gaydar functioned so well. I’m not saying anything, though, and neither is Kyouko — better to make our poor professeur feel like he’s gone crazy than to have to make up an excuse.
‘Eh bien, peu importe— I was overjoyed to hear you were both interested in studying in my homeland. I met my partner while he was studying on exchange from Johto, after all, so I know just how important studying abroad is!’
Partner, as in, Pokémon partner? Or, could he mean…?
Well, whatever.
‘You two are good students with good grades, especially in my class, of course! Your teachers speak highly of you, and you have interests relating to Kalos. With my letters of recommendation that were sent with your applications, as well, you should have a very good chance to hear good news back. Ce n'est que mon avis personnel, mais.’
Kyouko looks significantly more assured hearing our professor’s encouraging words — with our mission complete, we thank him for his time and start to head out of the room.
I, admittedly, feel only marginally better, as I know that Kyouko has always been the better student between the two of us. I don’t get bad grades, but my Kalosian isn’t as good as hers in terms of grades or knowledge, so I can’t help but continue to fret…
‘And remember, Maeda-san, I edited your application essay to make sure it read well — don’t feel worried about that anymore!’ Augustine calls to me just before we’re out the door.
Oh, right.* Anymore.*
I must’ve (rightfully) pushed it out of my mind because of how embarrassed I was at the time to hear I sounded like an elementary student despite trying my best — though he took enough care to not put it that way, of course. Knowing that I hopefully made less of a fool of myself to those deciding my fate at Illumis than *professeur *Augustine is a little reassuring, at least.
‘I wonder what his partner is like…’
～✧～
25 février 2003
One of the best and worst things about life is how unpredictable it is. For someone like me who tends to focus on what could go wrong in life, good things happening feels foreign. Especially when they’re big things, too.
Like hearing the girl I’ve loved for two years tell me that she felt the same.
It’s been two weeks that we’ve been officially dating. Acknowledging that being the case — my fervent, hopeless dream suddenly becoming my reality — still feels unreal. But my chronic disbelief hasn’t stopped me enjoying every little bit of… however long Kyouko and I still have.
Every day after our classes end, I forgo heading home by train like usual, instead waiting for Kyouko to finish up her club activities. I’m more than fine with waiting for obvious reasons, one of which being that it’s simply mesmerising to see her well-practised movements with her kyudo bow.
She’s told me often that the core of kyudo isn’t simply just hitting a target, but more — form and focus are just as important as accuracy. I doubt I could ever get tired of seeing her methodically shoot again and again, and part of me nearly regrets having never joined her.
Once Kyouko’s club activities end, we take our leave together, something completely new to us both. It’s only a ten-minute walk back to her larger-than-I-expected machiya-style home — a style once characteristic to Ecruteak’s culture in a bygone era.
Though I try hard to will them away, my thoughts often turn to my now-current most important worry — the possibility of our impending separation. Whenever I try to broach the subject with Kyouko, she simply tells me that just as *professeur *Augustine said, someone who’s worked as hard as we have should be assuming the best.
But I’m unconvinced. I have worked hard, yes, both for the sake of getting close to Kyouko as well as my own goals relating to Kalos, but… it doesn’t feel like it should be that simple.
Then again, only a week ago, a wish of mine that felt infinitely impossible defied my every expectation to come true, so… not getting rejected is possible, if anything.
Theoretically, anyway.
The sun has been out a bit more than usual lately — perfect weather for being outside. Normally, I would pass on being anywhere near the sun in favour of the solace reading or painting indoors provides me, but… I’ve actually really enjoyed spending time with Kyouko in the tranquil garden behind her home.
She looks so alive when trying to talk to the Pokémon who happily spend their days there. I don’t think they’ve understood a word she’s ever said, no matter how much I’m told ‘Pi-Pichu’ *really *is the proper way to introduce myself to the many Pichu that run around like mad here. Perhaps they just haven’t warmed up to me.
Whatever.
From observing the ins and outs of my new life over the past week, I’ve at times had the fleeting thought that Kyouko is almost like a modern-day Johtonian Snow White. The natural follow-up to such a thought is asking myself if I’m her Prince(ss?) Charming, which…
Well, I’m not exactly opposed to the idea.
Like usual, the two of us are in a shaded part of the garden area behind her home, drinking tea from much-too-fancy teacups that were bequeathed to Kyouko a couple of years ago upon her grandmother’s passing. Throughout the time Kyouko and I have been friends, I’ve heard a little about her grandmother — a Kalosian woman with an eye for fashion and penchant for wine — but I’m curious to hear more.
‘Kyouko… this might be a weird question, but what was your grandmother like?’
She takes her attention from watching an angry Budew fruitlessly toddling after a Hoppip making away with its prized Custap Berry, tearing her eyes away from the comedy befalling us to more serious thought.
‘Grand-mère Valérie was a dreamer. You would have to call anyone moving to a foreign region in their twenties a dreamer on principle, but especially her, hehe. She had always loved fashion and the finer things in life, and wanted to learn more about kimono and the culture here in Johto… and ended up buying this machiya, staying here in Ecruteak til the day she passed. She taught me a lot about Kalos and Lumiose, about its rich history, how stunning the art was, and, of course, how the fashion was always groundbreakingly beautiful.’
‘But if she loved Kalos so much, why didn’t she ever move back?’ I ask, a little puzzled by the idea of a woman who loved her homeland enough to influence her granddaughter so strongly, who never returned home herself.
‘Mmm… she went back for work often enough that she never felt the need, I think. Not just any foreigner would have gone to the trouble of purchasing a Meiji-era traditional home seventy years after it was built, after all.’
‘And now it’s over a hundred years old… I guess she really did like Ecruteak, then.’ I reply, taking yet another moment to marvel over the building standing resolutely behind us.
‘The Kalos in Grand-mère’s heart was more than enough for her to continue loving life here, but she wished for me to appreciate her homeland just as she did. That’s why I plan to go by Valérie in Kalos — Grand-mère’s name as proof I’m living her wish.’
‘It really suits you, Valérie…’
‘Merci. …Though, if it’s you, Akimi, I wouldn’t mind you still calling me Kyouko…’
Her expression suddenly shifts from our shared smile to something more distant-seeming.
‘When she passed, I took it really badly. It was like losing a best friend — the delicate flower I was at the time could barely handle the suddenness of it, though we knew her time was coming to a close.’
Kyouko stops to take a breath, almost certainly hurting a little from shouldering the weight of recalling her grief.
‘But, some time after… I met you, Akimi. I saw in your soul the mystical beauty that *Grand-mère *had always told me about. You were the personification of a concept I had never fully understood.’
…Me?
Of all people?
I feel silly that I’m so stunned despite knowing how Kyouko feels about me — we’re dating, after all — but even now, it feels difficult to believe at times. Like I’m in a fairytale come to life.
‘It felt like her spirit had sent you, the pinnacle of beauty, to be in my life, like an angel from high. From then on, I knew I couldn’t ever lose you, Akimi.’
The wind blows, and the girl by my side takes my hand in hers.
It feels right.
Here’s hoping the fairytale I’ve found myself in will have its own happily ever after.
～✧～
3 mars 2003
‘It really hasn’t changed one bit…!’
Instead of Kyouko’s garden as usual, our after-school spot on this particular day is a chic little bakery-cafe not too far from our school. There are thousands of these across Johto alone, but I’m told Kyouko went to this particular one with her grandmother often as a child — for that reason alone, I feel honoured she’s let me into her precious memories, in a way.
‘I wonder if their menu’s still the same as you remember? Five years is a long time, but maybe they’ve stuck to what their regulars enjoy.’
‘I hope so… their chocolate macarons were always lovely, so I want to try them together.’
Having tried to make macarons once myself, only for it to end in complete disaster, has deepened my appreciation for those who have the skill and patience for them. I’m very excited.
‘Irasshaimase! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Me and Citrilly are here to help!’
We’re greeted as we walk in by a peppy man behind the chock-full-of-baked-goods counter, where a Pokémon, a yellow-coloured Alcremie, also waves to us.
The menu is… quite extensive for a shop of this size. Roll cakes (they’re so rich because they use Alcremie whipped cream!), shortcake (the Rawst Berry shortcake was the first thing I ever tried here!), macarons (even more flavours than I remember!), you name it, everything looked incredible. And, according to my girlfriend (who remembered every menu item), was incredible.
We wasted no time in deciding on our order, figuring we would share everything we ordered — though we barely scratched the surface of their offerings.
But if only we had more time to try everything… is what I would have said to myself had we gone early last week, when I had no idea that we both wouldn’t get in to the university of our hopes and dreams.
Checking the mail first thing that morning, only to have what felt like my only hope of a happy future dashed to pieces, was a nasty shock. Painful enough that I nearly didn’t go to school over it, really only resolving to go to inform Kyouko of the bad news.
The very odd relief I felt over my girlfriend also getting the very same bad news I did, meaning we would be staying together, was palpable.
A new twist on the age-old concept of schadenfreude, perhaps.
Kyouko never quite got the words out to me, probably out of shame from having worked so hard to no avail, but the sad smile that shone on her face after I asked her if she also got rejected, avoiding the topic whenever I brought it up, and her not wanting to really do anything together until today, told me everything I needed to know.
We would stay in Johto together — an outcome that was more of a shock to me than the prospect of us being in Lumiose, because it involved Kyouko failing, too. Neither of us blamed our professeur for his advice, though we in the end wished we had applied to more schools in Kalos — it was just an unexpected turn of events.
A good reminder that even in the best of times, life can still be cruel.
—
‘But there’s always pâtisseries to make us feel better, I suppose…’ I mumble to myself (probably for the umpteenth time by now) while sinking my fork into a layered Rawst Berry shortcake.
As the man and his Alcremie boasted, everything was indeed delicious — the sakura macarons I particularly thought would be perfect for taking to a hanami picnic. One good thing about staying in Johto — our world-renowned cherry blossom season is just around the corner, and if we stayed in Kalos, we’d miss it for the next four years.
I don’t think I would have been nostalgic for my home region like others get, but the natural beauty here is difficult to find anywhere else. Lumiose is a *huge *city, and Ecruteak is big, too, but… we’re called the ‘Land of Tradition’ for good reason, I think.
*Bump.
Bump.
Bump.*
Kyouko’s giggling at something behind me, and before I think to turn around to see what the matter is, the matter quickly reveals itself to me as… none other than the Alcremie we briefly met while inside the shop. She’s running into my leg, ostensibly trying to get my attention for some reason.
‘If I pick her up to take her back inside, is she going to get whipped cream all over my uniform, Kyouko?’
‘You’d still look beautiful no matter what, Akimi, so don’t you worry. I’ve never seen this Pokémon in person before, but I’d like to see if I can speak with her… would you be kind enough to put her onto the table for me?’
I roll my eyes a little at the enamoured girl beside me (Kyouko)’s complete disregard for the dignity of her beloved girlfriend (me), but do as she says —
And, regrettably, my fear comes true. I’m left with a massive dollop of cream on my skirt, courtesy of the creature that Kyouko is now intently attempting to have a conversation with. Since I’ll be graduating in a week, I guess I won’t really have any use for my school uniform anymore, but it’s still a pain all the same.
The things one does for love.
As I rummage around in my schoolbag for anything to clean up the mess the Pokémon in front of me left, Kyouko speaks up.
‘She says she likes you!’
‘That Alcremie? The one that just stained my skirt? …Really?’
Now it’s Kyouko’s turn to roll her eyes at my slight abrasiveness — probably deserved.
‘Yes, she says that yo—‘
‘Ah! There you are, Citrilly! Why exactly were you bothering these two young ladies—!?’
A different person comes out of the shop — a spry old man with kind eyes and, clearly, much love for his partner Pokémon — perhaps the one who made the items we’ve enjoyed today.
‘Kyouko Sakuragi-ojousan — is that you?! It’s been years!’
…Who seems to know my girlfriend well, for whatever reason.
‘Hello, Sato-ojiisan. It’s been a long while, hasn’t it!’
‘It has! Very glad to see you, young miss — is Madame Valérie well?’
The colour in Kyouko’s eyes fades down a little, taking on a similar look to how they were mere days ago after our rejection letters — but unlike then, it returns nearly instantly.
‘Grand-mère passed away a few years ago… but I have many fond memories of coming here with her. I’m sure you remember them as well, Sato-ojiisan. Everything is just as wonderful as I remember it to be.’
‘Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that. She was a wonderful woman, always was through all the years we were friends… and I’m glad you’re able to hold onto her through those memories. I’m honoured my humble pâtisserie is a part of those memories, of course.’
He seems genuinely sorrowful at hearing the very late news of Kyouko’s grandmother. I wonder how long they had known each other for.
‘That’s why I decided to bring her here,’ she mentions, pointing at me.
‘Ah, right! Introductions, introductions, how rude of me to not introduce myself! I’m Sato, the owner and pâtissier of this cafe for… how long now? Forty years? Fifty? I’ve lost track, but I’ve been here a long time, and I knew Kyouko-ojousan’s grandmother ever since she came to Ecruteak. Pleased to meet you!’
I murmur a ‘pleased to meet you’ back, focusing on how I’m going to deal with the insurmountable task of introducing myself back without seeming like a total fool, given how shy I can be with strangers.
Oh, well.
‘I’m Akimi Maeda. Kyouko and I are in the same class in high school, and I’m her… uh, frie—‘
‘Girlfriend.’
…Someone’s eager.
‘Haha, are you, now? You two young ladies sure look happy together. Good, that’s how it should be — may you stay that way for a long while! And — Akimi, was it?’
‘Yes?’
He walks a few paces to the side door of the cafe, opening it a crack and yelling inside.
‘Hideki! Come out here! I think I’ve found the two girls your Augustine speaks so highly of!’
—
Hideki Sato. Professeur Augustine Sycamore’s partner, and the man we were welcomed into the cafe by — also the one who made the macarons I was raving about to Kyouko.
While he couldn’t stay long (something about a large order involving a wedding cake that needed attending to), the elegant man and I had a wonderful discussion about his time spent in Kalos, how long he had been baking, and our professeur.
I would have wanted to become a regular at the cafe if only to talk with Hideki more, but his generosity surprised me — I certainly didn’t expect an offer to ‘come by anytime!’ to learn how to make macarons. Needless to say, I plan on taking him up on it very soon. Though mine won’t ever be as good as the cafe’s, I hope I can improve enough to make Kyouko happy with them.
‘What were you talking about with the shop’s owner while Hideki-san and I were chatting?’
We’re walking to back Kyouko’s home, making small talk about our eventful after-school date.
‘Oh… mostly about the shop’s Alcremie, Citrilly. I’ve never seen one before, but she was very talkative. Not many Pokémon are easy for me to understand, I’ve mentioned, so I wanted to figure out her secret. Why we could connect so well.’
Connect?
Oh, right. It must be one of Kyouko’s ‘becoming a Pokémon’ things — something I don’t think I’ll ever understand, but she always seems happier when around Pokémon, especially Fairy-types. Alcremie must not be Normal-type like I assumed, then.
‘So… were you able to figure out why?’
She knits her hand in mine.
‘Well… I think it’s because she liked you so much, Akimi, hehe. So we had something in common.’
‘You really think so? Hopefully if I visit again she won’t get cream on me again… which reminds me, did you overhear what Hideki-san told me!?’
‘I did not.’
I can hardly contain my excitement — an opportunity to learn how to make something my girlfriend loves doesn’t come every day, after all.
‘I’m going to learn how to make macarons like *pâtissiers *in Kalos soon! And once I get the recipe perfect, I’m going to bake you as much as I can, because I know you love macarons. It’ll be really hard, even with Hideki-san helping me, but I know it’ll be worth it… Isn’t that wonderful, Kyouko?’
No response, when I was expecting something substantially more.
‘Right?’
…She’s wearing that same sad smile as before, when we both got rejected from Illumis.
That makes twice, now.
‘Kyouko…?’
We’re stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, her home distantly in view by now — suddenly, it feels as though we’re the only two people in the world, fragilely connected only by the unexpected embrace she’s pulled me into.
Something feels wrong. It feels like there’s something obvious I’m completely missing, something I have no words to begin to describe.
Nor do I have any words to describe the sudden fear that’s gripped me.
‘…Of course, Akimi.’
～✧～
13 mars 2003
Nearly a week after our graduation.
‘Tomorrow’s White Day, Kyouko.’
‘…It is.’
Now that the kyudo clubroom is officially off-limits to the both of us, our lunchtime plans have changed. Naturally, I still take the train to Ecruteak, but we meet at a public park that always seems to be teeming with both people and Pokémon.
Things with Kyouko have been great, just as usual. Whatever came over her after our cafe date last week seems to have gone away… though I can’t say the same for myself. No matter how much I try to stop myself (and I’ve tried lots), I can’t help but worry I’ll soon be facing a nasty shock.
Kyouko is here in Johto, though, with me, and will be for the next four years we’re uni students. And for whatever comes after.
I have nothing to fear.
‘It’s also our one-month anniversary! Though it doesn’t feel like we’ve been together for so brief a time! We’ve known each other for a couple of years, after all.’
‘…Right.’
‘Even though White Day is tomorrow, so you’re technically supposed to get me something in return from the honmei choco I made last month… I thought I’d do something for you, Kyouko! I’m going to visit Hideki-san early in the morning and have my first macaron-making lesson. He said he shouldn’t be busy when I called this morning, so what flavours would you like to try this time?’
‘There’s no need for that, Akimi. It’s fine.’
Polite… but it really is something I’d like to do for her.
‘Come on… you won’t not let me do something sweet for you, right? I don’t need anything in return, if you were worrying about that. Your presence is more than enough for me.’
Kyouko has her eyes fixed on something in the distance that I can’t seem to see… Though she has her moments where it feels like she’s captivated into some plane of existence I have no hope of reaching… she’s normally quite attentive whenever we talk, so I can’t help but feel like something is off, yet again.
Yet again, huh?
‘Kyouko…’ I trail off, completely unsure of what I’m trying to convey. For all I know, I’m overthinking my girlfriend acting in a completely normal manner, but I can’t help but worry when it’s her.
‘…It’s nothing. I was simply… lost in thought. I’m alright.’
That has to be the exact same ‘I’m alright’ I always used in junior high school. Lying to anyone who asked if I was fine, with no regard for their worry — back then, I was simply trying to make it through each day.
I can only hope I’m just overthinking all of this.
‘Well… I’m here if there’s anything you need to say. Anything — we’re together, after all.’
‘Thank you.’
—
Our day continued on with the normalcy I had come to expect with spending time with Kyouko. Doing similar things every day with just anyone would be too much of a bore for me to handle, but things simply differ whenever Kyouko is concerned.
Retreating to our usual garden table to play with the hordes of Pichu and Furret together helped to take my mind off of the uneasiness that threatened to kill my good mood… though not completely.
Shouganai.
‘So, is there anything you’d like us to do tomorrow?’ I start off, hoping to get a proper answer now that it’s been hours since I last asked and the sun is setting.
‘And, look, even if it’s not anything spec—‘
I’m silenced by Kyouko placing a hand over mine —
A much, much shakier hand than usual.
If I only had a hunch something was wrong before, I’m convinced now.
My eyes don’t deceive me, either — my girlfriend of only a month is tearing up.
‘Akimi…’
I must be dreaming.
‘I’m sorry…’
I have no control over what happens next.
‘I… I’ve been afraid of losing you, Akimi. For the past two years, ever since I met you, I’ve been afraid of something like this happening. I’ve had dreams, nightmares about being torn away from each other, but I always wrote it off as delusion, as stress, as premonitions of something that would never happen. But from the moment you confessed to me on Valentine’s, I couldn’t help but worry that those dreams would somehow find a way to become reality.’
‘There was a reason I was so incessant about asking you if you had received your admissions letter. Why I was so sure we would both be accepted to Illumis. I thought that if I simply hoped enough, hoped that my dreams could be changed and that they had no sway over my reality, over *our *reality, everything would be fine. But nothing is. ’
Correction: I’m not dreaming —
‘Akimi. I… never told you this, and was all too happy to let you think otherwise, but…’
I’m in a nightmare. A living nightmare.
‘I was accepted to Illumis. I leave to Lumiose tomorrow. Forgive me.’
And my world is crashing down around me.
～✧～
‘Would you come down to the Olivine Airport tomorrow morning to see me off? I… understand if you can’t, of course, but… it would mean a lot. Truly.’
‘It’d be so easy to refuse,’ I remember thinking to myself. It would have been so, so easy to say that the train ride was too far for me to make it there on time, or to simply make the (true) excuse that I already had plans with Hideki-san at the cafe, or to (rightfully) say that I didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. Or make any other number of excuses.
But for better or for worse, I’m not that sort of person.
Given how I cried all the way to the airport, all throughout my farewell with Kyouko, and am continuing to sob my heart out on the (thankfully nearly empty) train ride back to my home station, it’s ‘for the worse’, here.
I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming, honestly.
The storybook endings I see so often in shoujo manga with the two pretty young people staying happily in love forever,
are incredibly rare in the real world.
And there are reasons for that — reasons I don’t want to let myself dwell on.
Simply put, life is unpredictable. Caring for another can be altruistic, selfish, or sometimes both — sometimes it can hurt the ones you love the most.
Kyouko did end up giving me a present for White Day, after all. A small box and a letter, neither of which I’ve opened yet.
Maybe once I’m home.
Maybe never.
—
*14 mars 2003
Très chère Akimi —
Happy White Day.
I was expecting to spend this specific day with you in Lumiose, that we’d go together the day after we graduated and sightsee for the week we had… before we officially became students at Illumis.
It doesn’t make up for any of the hurt I’ve caused you, I know, but I have a present for you. Something I’m very happy to leave with you, in fact.
You remember sweet little Citrilly from our cafe, yes? During our first visit together, Sato-ojiisan told me quite a bit about her — including that wherever she goes, Milcery tend to appear behind her out of nowhere. He was more than happy to let me visit with them to see if I took a liking to one, and one of them caught my eye right away — it sparkled whenever it moved.
There are nine different forms of Alcremie, each variation with a different flavour of cream. Citrilly is a Lemon Cream Alcremie, for instance, and holds a Star Sweet. And in the box I gave to you with this letter, you’ll find a Poké Ball containing a Mint Cream Alcremie who holds a Clover Sweet. She’s a little different, however, as Shiny Alcremie are darker in colour than their normal versions. They have natural chocolate mixed into their form’s base flavouring.
Think of her as a honmei choco from me to you — 'sanbai gaeshi', in a way.
Before you confessed to me, Akimi, I had long resigned myself to thinking that our being a couple was either only a matter of time, or that my feelings would eventually fade.
Never did I expect that both of those things could happen. I truly, truly hope the latter of the two never does.
The month we had together was wonderful, and I truly mean that with all of my heart. I know that there would have been no better way for me to spend my final weeks in Johto, no better person than you for me to spend time with.
I still felt that way even after I got my acceptance letter, though my selfish actions came at the cost of your feelings. Nothing I say will make you hurt any less, I’m sure. I should have told you right then and there, but the lies I told myself that I was doing the more humane thing by keeping you unaware, Akimi, were especially convincing.
I only wish we could have had more time together, that I had been brave enough to confess to you much earlier — that I had been stubborn enough to bring you along to Lumiose with me. Even as I’m writing this letter, I wonder if there still would have been a way you’d be sitting next to me on the plane to Kalos by the time you’ll read it.
Again… I know this isn’t apology enough. Perhaps nothing ever will be.
If the distance between us is not too painful for you to traverse, Akimi, please write anytime.
Je t'aime, mon ange
桜木京子
Valérie*
